"The church is no longer salt and light to the world but the world is salt and light to the church."
"We're tryng to turn everything into a McDonalds" -some quotes from lunch
Today we had a very intriging lunch discussion about the modern world which stemmed from the original question of "How do we integrate our Christian lives into the world when we leave LAbri?"
After discussing the many ways we are such vast consumers, efficiency driven, and so infiltrated by the world around us Andrew claimed two dynamics that we must strive for in our lives: simplicity and stillness. This led to the ideas that all the machines have been created in order to bring us more time but how in reality they've all simply made us more efficient consumers of the world.
Even the church is a well oiled machine wit 30+ staff members, schedules, pages of bulletins, and computers just to keep it "active" enough. Everything has been infiltrated by this need to achieve more, succeed higher but to what end? To make us more content human beings? We're all still searching, rantng about the stress we live under or the next rung of the ladder we just must get to.
How do we counter it? How do we learn to be content with our stillness and simplicity?
For me it was found in leaving that culture that depended on day planners and emails being sent to my phone for survival. To a life that exists on working with my hands outside, in the kitchen, or cleaning. A life that brings my mind alive and to an attentive state throughout the day with the nature that aurrounds me rather than the background noise of a TV. I've found myself here and in that- my DAILY need for a Savior. A Savior hat doesn't just rescue me from my sins or promise me eternal happiness but rescues me from the post modern machine- drawing me back to a foundation that no busy schedule can strip me of. Christ asks: "To what end do you do all of this?" Is the answer heaven, storing up your treasures there, or is it an efficient life?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Abba's Child
I know I’ve mentioned this book a few times in reference on here but I’d like to spend a few more moments on it today.
Each chapter has spurred deep healing, understanding, and challenges within my as I’ve read it thoroughly the last 2 and a half weeks. I haven’t spent time on here prior to this discussing it because I understand that unless you were to open the book with the same questions, brokenness, and need I did the impact would probably be miniscule and there is no point in trying to convey why, how , and where it met me when that’s really a part of my personal journey. Anyway! But I have filled my journal to the brim of quotes, thoughts, and scripture from Manning in this book and often with the longing for someone to read it and have the same “Holy Cow!” experience I did. When I finished the last sentence in my morning study time few days ago and glanced at the other books sitting on my dresser that Marta has set as my curriculum I glanced back at the cover of Abba’s Child and opened to page one to begin seeping in the knowledge it holds all over again.
With that said here are some segments I hope would be beneficial regardless of where you are on the journey:
"Being alone with the Alone moves us from what John Henry Newman called rational knowledge to real knowledge. The first means I know something in a remote abstract way that never intrudes on our conciousness, the second means I may not know it but I act on it anyway."
Each chapter has spurred deep healing, understanding, and challenges within my as I’ve read it thoroughly the last 2 and a half weeks. I haven’t spent time on here prior to this discussing it because I understand that unless you were to open the book with the same questions, brokenness, and need I did the impact would probably be miniscule and there is no point in trying to convey why, how , and where it met me when that’s really a part of my personal journey. Anyway! But I have filled my journal to the brim of quotes, thoughts, and scripture from Manning in this book and often with the longing for someone to read it and have the same “Holy Cow!” experience I did. When I finished the last sentence in my morning study time few days ago and glanced at the other books sitting on my dresser that Marta has set as my curriculum I glanced back at the cover of Abba’s Child and opened to page one to begin seeping in the knowledge it holds all over again.
With that said here are some segments I hope would be beneficial regardless of where you are on the journey:
"Being alone with the Alone moves us from what John Henry Newman called rational knowledge to real knowledge. The first means I know something in a remote abstract way that never intrudes on our conciousness, the second means I may not know it but I act on it anyway."
Soo Behind on This!
I haven’t been on the internet in over a week now I think so today I am going to try and update wit several different points! So I know all my blogs here have been unbelievably scattered and deeply lacking any true writing skills so for that I again apologize. I am going to try to overcome some of those tendencies in this one by not filling you all in on absolutely everything I can fit into my 30 minute time slot, but rater picking a few areas to concentrate on.
Every day at 1 o’clock all the L’Abri community divides up into tables of about 12 and we meet for the heartiest (sp?) of the day at various workers homes throughout the lot. After the meal is dispersed onto everyone’s plates and we’ve had a few moments of quiet, the workers ask: “So does anyone have a question?”. And sometimes quickly or other times after prolonged silence someone at the table will say “I have one”. It can range from truly anywhere on the spectrum: “What is beauty?” “When did sin enter the world?” “How do we overcome shame?” “Why pray?” and anything else. We then proceed to analyze, discuss, and listen to varying opinions on this topic for the next hour or so over tea and dessert.
There are several things I’ve learned from this set up that are very valuable. The most obvious is that we are all seated together, at a table (therefore actually facing one another), with no distractions such as TVs to inhibit conversation. This seems obvious but we SO rarely do it in American culture unless we are actually out at a restaurant rather tan in a home.
Secondly, by posing a question to the entire group rather tan just the person on your left or your best friend the essence of community grows increasingly because you are discussing it jointly as a whole rather than as divided segments.
And finally, truly meaningful conversation is developed and as a result authentic community is dug into. This is a reslt of talking about things that are at the core of humanity, the spirit, or a religious faith rather than discussing such mindless and sometime self revolving topics as what you did today, what awaits you tomorrow, or the score of the basketball game.
Is it often uncomfortable? Yes. Sometimes confrontational? Absolutely. Does it make me rely heavily on my listening, thinking, and patient skills? Most definitely. But aren’t all of these aspects of true growth?
True intimacy is made when we are in a home together, packed around a table, and talking bout matters that are deeply impacting one another’s worlds. Obviously conversation doesn’t need to always be this intense but I’ve seen that an hour a day of it can be beyond enriching.
Every day at 1 o’clock all the L’Abri community divides up into tables of about 12 and we meet for the heartiest (sp?) of the day at various workers homes throughout the lot. After the meal is dispersed onto everyone’s plates and we’ve had a few moments of quiet, the workers ask: “So does anyone have a question?”. And sometimes quickly or other times after prolonged silence someone at the table will say “I have one”. It can range from truly anywhere on the spectrum: “What is beauty?” “When did sin enter the world?” “How do we overcome shame?” “Why pray?” and anything else. We then proceed to analyze, discuss, and listen to varying opinions on this topic for the next hour or so over tea and dessert.
There are several things I’ve learned from this set up that are very valuable. The most obvious is that we are all seated together, at a table (therefore actually facing one another), with no distractions such as TVs to inhibit conversation. This seems obvious but we SO rarely do it in American culture unless we are actually out at a restaurant rather tan in a home.
Secondly, by posing a question to the entire group rather tan just the person on your left or your best friend the essence of community grows increasingly because you are discussing it jointly as a whole rather than as divided segments.
And finally, truly meaningful conversation is developed and as a result authentic community is dug into. This is a reslt of talking about things that are at the core of humanity, the spirit, or a religious faith rather than discussing such mindless and sometime self revolving topics as what you did today, what awaits you tomorrow, or the score of the basketball game.
Is it often uncomfortable? Yes. Sometimes confrontational? Absolutely. Does it make me rely heavily on my listening, thinking, and patient skills? Most definitely. But aren’t all of these aspects of true growth?
True intimacy is made when we are in a home together, packed around a table, and talking bout matters that are deeply impacting one another’s worlds. Obviously conversation doesn’t need to always be this intense but I’ve seen that an hour a day of it can be beyond enriching.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Getting Some Lists Out of My System
So since I really miss making my own schedule and having to do lists I thought that I would do a quick “list” blog for you all! =)
To be praying for:
- I’ve had an awful headache here the last 3 days and no migraine meds for it. Please just pray that it goes away.
- I’m trying to go visit Joni for 3 days before I meet up with Ashley and it’s more expensive than I thought it’d be and really hard to plan when I get an hour a week on the comp!
- That I could continue to concentrate and seep in all the info and curriculum here. I’m definitely getting weary of the study schedule and am just asking for perseverance and passion every day to keep at it!
Music I’ve been listening to:
-Mercy- Drew Holcomb
-Sweetly Broken- Jeremy Riddle, Lindsay swain shout out there!
-Ticket Home- Sandra McCracken
- Lots of Bon Iver, Griffin House, Radiohead and Will Hoge as always
Books to Read:
Fiction: Firefly Lane, The Things They Carried
Spiritual: Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning (oh my goodness! Truly amazing- good for identity, God’s love, and regaining an authentic relationship with God), Being Human- Susan McCauley, The Shack- read it again if you already have ( that’s what I did here and learned completely new things), Life of the Beloved- Henri Nouwen, The Trilogy- Francis Schaeffer. –See how busy I’ve been?!?
Lots of you have asked what my days are like here so here is my daily schedule:
8 am- breakfast,
930- start work: either gardening, cooking or cleaning
11- tea break
1- lunch with discussions over a topic that someone throws out
230- study
4- tea break
6- dinner-
730- film discussions or lectures
Then its usually to the pub or bed!
loving you guys
To be praying for:
- I’ve had an awful headache here the last 3 days and no migraine meds for it. Please just pray that it goes away.
- I’m trying to go visit Joni for 3 days before I meet up with Ashley and it’s more expensive than I thought it’d be and really hard to plan when I get an hour a week on the comp!
- That I could continue to concentrate and seep in all the info and curriculum here. I’m definitely getting weary of the study schedule and am just asking for perseverance and passion every day to keep at it!
Music I’ve been listening to:
-Mercy- Drew Holcomb
-Sweetly Broken- Jeremy Riddle, Lindsay swain shout out there!
-Ticket Home- Sandra McCracken
- Lots of Bon Iver, Griffin House, Radiohead and Will Hoge as always
Books to Read:
Fiction: Firefly Lane, The Things They Carried
Spiritual: Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning (oh my goodness! Truly amazing- good for identity, God’s love, and regaining an authentic relationship with God), Being Human- Susan McCauley, The Shack- read it again if you already have ( that’s what I did here and learned completely new things), Life of the Beloved- Henri Nouwen, The Trilogy- Francis Schaeffer. –See how busy I’ve been?!?
Lots of you have asked what my days are like here so here is my daily schedule:
8 am- breakfast,
930- start work: either gardening, cooking or cleaning
11- tea break
1- lunch with discussions over a topic that someone throws out
230- study
4- tea break
6- dinner-
730- film discussions or lectures
Then its usually to the pub or bed!
loving you guys
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Oxford In All Its' Beauty
Okay so today we got up early and got on a train to head into Oxford. By we I mean my two new friends that came this week, Andie from Richmond and Kristine from Belgium (I've become very good friends with these two), and AJ and Quinn. The train ride here was breathtaking with the country side surrounding us. Then we got into this city and I just want to HUG it! The buildings are gorgeous with small narrow streets. Tonight we are going to see some CS Lewis and JR Tolkien sights and go to the pub where they wrote their books. We are also going to go the "Bear" which is the oldest pub in the world for dinner!!!
It has been beyond refreshing to be out of the Manor for awhile. This week has been very challenging as I've had some very intense discussions at L'Abri with some people who weren't believers and just with the personal study schedule I am involved in right now. I knew that it would be this intense before I got here but actually living that out every day is beginning to exhaust me and really wear me down. So I am thankful to get out for awhile and then gear back up for another 2 weeks. Andie's dad travels here a lot so he can get us complimentary hotels. We are going to leave L'Abri a few days early and go to London and possibly Belgium or Paris before I go to Scotland to visit Joni and then back to London to meet Ashley. SCORE!
Today on the train here this lady in her 70s was singing so loud for at least one whole train ride from one stop to the next. Why? This is a mystery but it kept us laughing for a long time. Crazy people are everywhere I guess. So if you all don't know- The British are mad for Michael Jackson and I read in the paper earlier this week that TWELVE people have committed suicide since his death here. What the freak?!?!? I honestly don't even have words for that but just thought I'd throw that tid bit out there.
We climbed to the top of this tower today that is in central Oxford called Carfax (very long dizzying way up these old spiral staircases) and the view was truly breathtaking. It feels great to be here and we are definitely soaking it all in.
A Scotish word for you all to take on the road:Kirby grip= bobby pin, pure Mad whitted=drunk
It has been beyond refreshing to be out of the Manor for awhile. This week has been very challenging as I've had some very intense discussions at L'Abri with some people who weren't believers and just with the personal study schedule I am involved in right now. I knew that it would be this intense before I got here but actually living that out every day is beginning to exhaust me and really wear me down. So I am thankful to get out for awhile and then gear back up for another 2 weeks. Andie's dad travels here a lot so he can get us complimentary hotels. We are going to leave L'Abri a few days early and go to London and possibly Belgium or Paris before I go to Scotland to visit Joni and then back to London to meet Ashley. SCORE!
Today on the train here this lady in her 70s was singing so loud for at least one whole train ride from one stop to the next. Why? This is a mystery but it kept us laughing for a long time. Crazy people are everywhere I guess. So if you all don't know- The British are mad for Michael Jackson and I read in the paper earlier this week that TWELVE people have committed suicide since his death here. What the freak?!?!? I honestly don't even have words for that but just thought I'd throw that tid bit out there.
We climbed to the top of this tower today that is in central Oxford called Carfax (very long dizzying way up these old spiral staircases) and the view was truly breathtaking. It feels great to be here and we are definitely soaking it all in.
A Scotish word for you all to take on the road:Kirby grip= bobby pin, pure Mad whitted=drunk
Time With Ellis
At lunch the other day we started discussing the post-modern views and life style. I am going to attempt my best to write these ideas out but I am still grappling with them myself so it might not come across every clear. The post modern priorities are fun and freedom so whatever we do the focus is to make sure that we are having fun and freedom or at least working towards that. You eliminate all things (a hard marriage, kids, hard job, etc)in order to have these. We are working as institutions and people to make all people equal in all ways over the world. We have this mindset of demanding equality for all people because it's all of their rights. When Ellis told me that this was wrong I immediately got so defensive and challenged him on how that could contradict the gospel.
He looked me dead in the eye and said "Well because child, we do not have any rights. Our rights are death and hell."
I was so quieted that I could not say anything but tears welled in my eyes within 30 seconds. I walked away from there feeling like I think I just got the gospel for the first time ever. When I asked Ellis how you to fight for the poor then and what that is supposed to look like if I thought before it was meant to be demanding equality. He said that the Bible tells us to fight for justice certainly but we do not demand our "rights" to God. So we fight for a man to be freed from slavery, we fight for homosexuals to not be outcast or considered unworthy, we fight for people to eat 3 meals a day but we do NOT demand it because it is their as a human being to eat 3 meals a day. We don't have that right. Our right is to burn in hell. But we do live presently in grace and we live out of that grace to fight for justice for those in need and without a voice.
We talked about homosexuals too and I had a lot of questions for him about that. He had so much wisdom to offer about how to love them and live in community with them without approving of that lifestyle. He talked about how one of his best friends came out as a transsexual years ago and how he and one other man were the only ones who continued to keep up their friendships with him. When his friends asked him: "How do you continue to live in community with him and be the renown Christian that you are?" he responded with: "Oh well I guess that would mean then that I shouldn't talk to you anymore at all either because you gossip like no one I know.". Great wisdom...
Another good quote by him: "When you are angry against the injustice in the world, God is angry with you against the devil. You aren't angry that you don't get your rights. you are angry at the distortion of God's truth."
He looked me dead in the eye and said "Well because child, we do not have any rights. Our rights are death and hell."
I was so quieted that I could not say anything but tears welled in my eyes within 30 seconds. I walked away from there feeling like I think I just got the gospel for the first time ever. When I asked Ellis how you to fight for the poor then and what that is supposed to look like if I thought before it was meant to be demanding equality. He said that the Bible tells us to fight for justice certainly but we do not demand our "rights" to God. So we fight for a man to be freed from slavery, we fight for homosexuals to not be outcast or considered unworthy, we fight for people to eat 3 meals a day but we do NOT demand it because it is their as a human being to eat 3 meals a day. We don't have that right. Our right is to burn in hell. But we do live presently in grace and we live out of that grace to fight for justice for those in need and without a voice.
We talked about homosexuals too and I had a lot of questions for him about that. He had so much wisdom to offer about how to love them and live in community with them without approving of that lifestyle. He talked about how one of his best friends came out as a transsexual years ago and how he and one other man were the only ones who continued to keep up their friendships with him. When his friends asked him: "How do you continue to live in community with him and be the renown Christian that you are?" he responded with: "Oh well I guess that would mean then that I shouldn't talk to you anymore at all either because you gossip like no one I know.". Great wisdom...
Another good quote by him: "When you are angry against the injustice in the world, God is angry with you against the devil. You aren't angry that you don't get your rights. you are angry at the distortion of God's truth."
Saturday, July 4, 2009
bang! pow! pop! ...no fireworks here.
Yesterday was the 4th and it was really fun although absent of fireworks. we had a BBQ, bonfire, and games of kickball and capture the flag late into the night. It was celebrated sufficiently for my taste though many of the other Americans here were longing to be home.
friday night after lecture my friends Joni and Chris and i all went outside with blankets and tea to look at the stars. I'd been telling both of them that I really wanted us to all exchange life stories to which they both reacted to with laughter- they did not know how serious I was being. We ended ups tayingup out there until around 2 talking. Its been so interesting to see how much my friendships with both of them have grown since then- even in just two days time. It just reaffrims in me the idea that EVERYONE longs to be known and that we are truly created for this.
Saturday for lunch I had an amazing discussion with Ellis Potter about God's love and the frustrations I've had with it. I'd try to walk you all throgh our discussion but it would require several more hours than what I have in front of a computer. I will try to type out some of his comments below as well as some of the material I'm reading in a way that might make sense though. I will say here thoughthat I walked away feeling understood and actually having taken a couple new steps forward in this journey- baby steps but steps all the same.
Joni leaves tomorrow morning so we are going to the pub tonight for a round of drinks in her honor. She will be sorely missed of course especially since I am learning about 3-4 new Scottish words a day right now and they all crack me up. I do ask that you all pray for her and her journey after she leaves here- that Jesus would just smother her in affirmation, love, and peace.
There are many good days ahead here at L'Abri and I anxiously await them each. Today I went running after church and I am running by this MASSIVE field that is growing lavender (perhaps one of the most amazing sights ever) and then I look to my right and there is a herd of sheep trotting down this hill with their little sheperd leading them. I just started smiling so big and realized how I am taking in Jesus everywhere around me here and not just when my nose is in the book.
Go Federer! I'm cheering you on today and loving being so close to you as you hopefully take away yet another victory against Rodick!
His definition of love: A series of responsible choices that one makes in order to promote the other person's life. His feelings of us do change by what we do (when we make good choices or bad choices) but His feelings of us are not a reflection of His love. His love is His blood over us, His atoning sacrifice, His grace ovr us! And that's the foundation of His love. If you forget this element then you go wildly spinning down quickly because then you begin to put His love in a box based on what He feels about you at the time. Even when He is angry with us- He KEEPS us. He never throws us away. you don't do feelings, you do love. There is no amount of delight that we can bring him, nor anger than we can stir up in Him that would draw us closer to Him or take us further away from Him. He always keeps us close no matter what.
friday night after lecture my friends Joni and Chris and i all went outside with blankets and tea to look at the stars. I'd been telling both of them that I really wanted us to all exchange life stories to which they both reacted to with laughter- they did not know how serious I was being. We ended ups tayingup out there until around 2 talking. Its been so interesting to see how much my friendships with both of them have grown since then- even in just two days time. It just reaffrims in me the idea that EVERYONE longs to be known and that we are truly created for this.
Saturday for lunch I had an amazing discussion with Ellis Potter about God's love and the frustrations I've had with it. I'd try to walk you all throgh our discussion but it would require several more hours than what I have in front of a computer. I will try to type out some of his comments below as well as some of the material I'm reading in a way that might make sense though. I will say here thoughthat I walked away feeling understood and actually having taken a couple new steps forward in this journey- baby steps but steps all the same.
Joni leaves tomorrow morning so we are going to the pub tonight for a round of drinks in her honor. She will be sorely missed of course especially since I am learning about 3-4 new Scottish words a day right now and they all crack me up. I do ask that you all pray for her and her journey after she leaves here- that Jesus would just smother her in affirmation, love, and peace.
There are many good days ahead here at L'Abri and I anxiously await them each. Today I went running after church and I am running by this MASSIVE field that is growing lavender (perhaps one of the most amazing sights ever) and then I look to my right and there is a herd of sheep trotting down this hill with their little sheperd leading them. I just started smiling so big and realized how I am taking in Jesus everywhere around me here and not just when my nose is in the book.
Go Federer! I'm cheering you on today and loving being so close to you as you hopefully take away yet another victory against Rodick!
His definition of love: A series of responsible choices that one makes in order to promote the other person's life. His feelings of us do change by what we do (when we make good choices or bad choices) but His feelings of us are not a reflection of His love. His love is His blood over us, His atoning sacrifice, His grace ovr us! And that's the foundation of His love. If you forget this element then you go wildly spinning down quickly because then you begin to put His love in a box based on what He feels about you at the time. Even when He is angry with us- He KEEPS us. He never throws us away. you don't do feelings, you do love. There is no amount of delight that we can bring him, nor anger than we can stir up in Him that would draw us closer to Him or take us further away from Him. He always keeps us close no matter what.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
"What is my life right now?"- schweeeamie duff
So today we were in London from bright this morning until right now- 8:30 and about to get on the train back to Liss. It was so fun and absolutely endearing. We spent the morning at a park and then went to the local grocery store and ate lunch with a yummy bottle of wine in the park. We then crossed the street to see the oh so bland Buckingham Palace. And I'm not being sarcastic with that. If you are planning on going to London soon for sure skip this site.
We then walked to where we were meeting our tour guide- who was waiting on bike. From 2:30 to 8 we biked around the city and it was absolutely amazing. Altogether it was a little over 10 miles and I loved every inch of it! From the famous sites of the London Bridge to the cottage cheese shop that has a cute story I was in awe. I had my IPod blaring in my ears and I truly felt like I had this amazing soundtrack playing to my rockin life. We saw monuments for William Wallace, where movies like Bridget Jones and Closer were filmed, the lower income housing, and beautifully stunning gardens.
My souvenir from today will most likely be the bruises on my bum though! I remember sitting and talking to Jamie on the phone when she first got back and she was talking about how much she missed Italy and the experience of going over seas and it not being a missions trip. How she just continually felt Gods abundant love poured over her. I kept thinking about that today and was completely able to relate. There is something about seeing things that are so beyond your own personal knowledge and knowing that God created them for His and your enjoyment that just sends your mind and spirit reeling.
I am so so thankful for these 2 months today and just alive in a way that I haven't been in a long time. Krista- the following will stress you out. Beware. Most of the time we were on busy streets today and London is a great comparison to NYC in some ways. So often we were riding bikes with cars flying past within our touch. I was laughing so hard and just breathing in the adrenaline. I would look behind me and see frightened faces and would laugh even harder thinking about how scary it really was. Krista- I lived today for both of us and am completely alive with no broken bones so dont ever feel the pressure to do what we just accomplished.
I miss all of you and am so thankful to hear from you when I do. Brooke has been the best by far- no shocker there. Life is abundantly beautiful and I will forever remember all that I'm experiencing here. i often think about my mom and her memories when she was younger than me and going through Europe. I keep having these reality checks that even when I'm in my 50s i'll be talking about what I did today!!! That's crazy.
Polly- I've analyzed every woman's wardrobe all day and can't wait for us to discuss.
Well about to get on the train and back tothe books and deep thoughts.
loving you all and update soon!
We then walked to where we were meeting our tour guide- who was waiting on bike. From 2:30 to 8 we biked around the city and it was absolutely amazing. Altogether it was a little over 10 miles and I loved every inch of it! From the famous sites of the London Bridge to the cottage cheese shop that has a cute story I was in awe. I had my IPod blaring in my ears and I truly felt like I had this amazing soundtrack playing to my rockin life. We saw monuments for William Wallace, where movies like Bridget Jones and Closer were filmed, the lower income housing, and beautifully stunning gardens.
My souvenir from today will most likely be the bruises on my bum though! I remember sitting and talking to Jamie on the phone when she first got back and she was talking about how much she missed Italy and the experience of going over seas and it not being a missions trip. How she just continually felt Gods abundant love poured over her. I kept thinking about that today and was completely able to relate. There is something about seeing things that are so beyond your own personal knowledge and knowing that God created them for His and your enjoyment that just sends your mind and spirit reeling.
I am so so thankful for these 2 months today and just alive in a way that I haven't been in a long time. Krista- the following will stress you out. Beware. Most of the time we were on busy streets today and London is a great comparison to NYC in some ways. So often we were riding bikes with cars flying past within our touch. I was laughing so hard and just breathing in the adrenaline. I would look behind me and see frightened faces and would laugh even harder thinking about how scary it really was. Krista- I lived today for both of us and am completely alive with no broken bones so dont ever feel the pressure to do what we just accomplished.
I miss all of you and am so thankful to hear from you when I do. Brooke has been the best by far- no shocker there. Life is abundantly beautiful and I will forever remember all that I'm experiencing here. i often think about my mom and her memories when she was younger than me and going through Europe. I keep having these reality checks that even when I'm in my 50s i'll be talking about what I did today!!! That's crazy.
Polly- I've analyzed every woman's wardrobe all day and can't wait for us to discuss.
Well about to get on the train and back tothe books and deep thoughts.
loving you all and update soon!
Oh yes and quickly...
I wish so badly that I could post pictures but this computer is from 1974 (not really but maybe) and definitely has no way of putting a memory card in it so just continue to use your imaginations and when I get back we'll look at the pics and see if they match up.
I just read my previous post and realized how incredibly scattered it was. Sorry about that!
Oh and one more lil fact about life here- We eat carbs every second of the day! The food is absolutely amazing though. About 70% of everything we eat here is grown here so it all tastes incredible. One of my favorite new snacks is to go pick a tomato, cut it up, sprinkle it with salt and mmmmmmm. The good thing is that I wake up, eat, have study time, tea time, study time, eat, work, tea time, then nothing so I run literally everyday. The last two days I've gone for 6 miles total each time. I am loooving having that stress free time to work out and being able to do it for as long as I want instead of a quick 30 minutes or something. But total bummer that I'll come back looking like I've still gained weight instead of a rockin bod because I eat allll the time and its all yummy gingerbred cakes, baguettes, etc. This last paragraph was for Brooke who was thinking I'd come back super skinny.
write whenever I get to next.
I just read my previous post and realized how incredibly scattered it was. Sorry about that!
Oh and one more lil fact about life here- We eat carbs every second of the day! The food is absolutely amazing though. About 70% of everything we eat here is grown here so it all tastes incredible. One of my favorite new snacks is to go pick a tomato, cut it up, sprinkle it with salt and mmmmmmm. The good thing is that I wake up, eat, have study time, tea time, study time, eat, work, tea time, then nothing so I run literally everyday. The last two days I've gone for 6 miles total each time. I am loooving having that stress free time to work out and being able to do it for as long as I want instead of a quick 30 minutes or something. But total bummer that I'll come back looking like I've still gained weight instead of a rockin bod because I eat allll the time and its all yummy gingerbred cakes, baguettes, etc. This last paragraph was for Brooke who was thinking I'd come back super skinny.
write whenever I get to next.
Just a Weee Bit Over Exhausted
This is what my friend Joanie says here when she has had a long day or is overwhelmed. Everything has weee bit n front of it. I could seriously eat her. Wish all of you could be here to talk to her.
Today is our day off- Hallelujah! Can't wait to be thinking free for a little while! We are all going into London to see everything and take in the big city. Most of them are all going on this bike tour thing for 3 hours but I am going to stay with my friend Annalise. She's originally from Portland but has been living in Greensboro this last year or two and she leaves to fly home tonight from the Gatwick airport. =( I am sad about this. She has been here two other times before so when I first got here and was thinking "What the flip am I doing?" She took me under her lil wing and we becme fast friends. Yay! So I am thankful for her and her smart butt comments, etc and they will be missed. I think that we will have a fun time hopping around London together though and she's been several times so that'll make it all the easier.
Life here is truly beautiful. Just like 3 days ago I got to a point where I felt so comfortable and good here that I do not want to EVER leave. It is truly amazing the way they challenge your mind, love each person so gradually where they are at, and develop this atomsphere that contains SO much love! My tutor's name is Marta and if I could take one person back with me it would be her cute face. She is from Hungary and is absolutely beautiful. We go on walks or sit and have tea in her flat at least once a week but sometimes maybe more. This time is to make sure I am staying on track with what I am studying and connecting it all with life back home and my actual spirit not just my mind. She is so perfect for my personality and the road I have already walked.
Little tid bits of life. We drink tea FIVE freaking times a day. At breakfast, at tea time at 11, at lunch, at high tea time at 5, and then again at dinner at 6. Life stops around here for tea time just like we stop (or pretend to kind of stop) for a meal. Its so funny to me and keeps me highly energized, relaxed, and FULL! I think it is so interesting to hear everyone here talk about Americans. The ways that they see us are probably very true but things that I didnt necessarily see until I have lived life this way- how we are so so so wasteful, live life so fast, our Christianity is very diluted, and how unrelational we can be. Very interesting indeed to take a step back and think about...
My allergies make me want to die here so please tell Joanie to send me some MEDS AND QUICK! =)
As far as where I am at spiritually it is hard to relay. I am learning so much intellectually and in my heart that I cant really explain it all even if I wrote for another 4 hours just because I still am not grasping it in enough of an understanding to get it myself. But I am growing. As Marta said yesterday: "Ok ok stop stop stop. Let's just start allll the way over. You need to spend time here learning about WHO God really is. Then you need to spend time learning how He really sees you and how that relationship is. This this this (when she gets passionate all the words get repeated several times) that you are thinking you believe. That is why you have doubts. Because this is not true." HA! So I am starting at the beginning and loving every second of it. Meal time conversations and the lectures are so intellectually stimulating it truly blows my mind. Ellis Potter came and gave the lecture last night from Australia- it was on spirituality. WOW. I will for sure think, argue and analyze completely differently forever after leaving here.
There are more really funny stories to tell but I have this fear of L'Abri people finding this blog and then me feeling bad. I emailed my mom some of them so ask her if you want to laugh. Otherwise you'll just have to wait until I get back and we'll sit over a coffee (though I'll probably be drinking tea always now) and I'll fill your brain with funny scenarios.
much much British love for you all.
Today is our day off- Hallelujah! Can't wait to be thinking free for a little while! We are all going into London to see everything and take in the big city. Most of them are all going on this bike tour thing for 3 hours but I am going to stay with my friend Annalise. She's originally from Portland but has been living in Greensboro this last year or two and she leaves to fly home tonight from the Gatwick airport. =( I am sad about this. She has been here two other times before so when I first got here and was thinking "What the flip am I doing?" She took me under her lil wing and we becme fast friends. Yay! So I am thankful for her and her smart butt comments, etc and they will be missed. I think that we will have a fun time hopping around London together though and she's been several times so that'll make it all the easier.
Life here is truly beautiful. Just like 3 days ago I got to a point where I felt so comfortable and good here that I do not want to EVER leave. It is truly amazing the way they challenge your mind, love each person so gradually where they are at, and develop this atomsphere that contains SO much love! My tutor's name is Marta and if I could take one person back with me it would be her cute face. She is from Hungary and is absolutely beautiful. We go on walks or sit and have tea in her flat at least once a week but sometimes maybe more. This time is to make sure I am staying on track with what I am studying and connecting it all with life back home and my actual spirit not just my mind. She is so perfect for my personality and the road I have already walked.
Little tid bits of life. We drink tea FIVE freaking times a day. At breakfast, at tea time at 11, at lunch, at high tea time at 5, and then again at dinner at 6. Life stops around here for tea time just like we stop (or pretend to kind of stop) for a meal. Its so funny to me and keeps me highly energized, relaxed, and FULL! I think it is so interesting to hear everyone here talk about Americans. The ways that they see us are probably very true but things that I didnt necessarily see until I have lived life this way- how we are so so so wasteful, live life so fast, our Christianity is very diluted, and how unrelational we can be. Very interesting indeed to take a step back and think about...
My allergies make me want to die here so please tell Joanie to send me some MEDS AND QUICK! =)
As far as where I am at spiritually it is hard to relay. I am learning so much intellectually and in my heart that I cant really explain it all even if I wrote for another 4 hours just because I still am not grasping it in enough of an understanding to get it myself. But I am growing. As Marta said yesterday: "Ok ok stop stop stop. Let's just start allll the way over. You need to spend time here learning about WHO God really is. Then you need to spend time learning how He really sees you and how that relationship is. This this this (when she gets passionate all the words get repeated several times) that you are thinking you believe. That is why you have doubts. Because this is not true." HA! So I am starting at the beginning and loving every second of it. Meal time conversations and the lectures are so intellectually stimulating it truly blows my mind. Ellis Potter came and gave the lecture last night from Australia- it was on spirituality. WOW. I will for sure think, argue and analyze completely differently forever after leaving here.
There are more really funny stories to tell but I have this fear of L'Abri people finding this blog and then me feeling bad. I emailed my mom some of them so ask her if you want to laugh. Otherwise you'll just have to wait until I get back and we'll sit over a coffee (though I'll probably be drinking tea always now) and I'll fill your brain with funny scenarios.
much much British love for you all.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Since arriving...
Ok so I've officially given up on filling the blog in with every detail but here is a quick update before I head off to bed. Yesterday we went to the quaintest little town called Petersfield and I just loved walking up and down the cobbletstone streets with markets flanking the sides with antiques, flowers, old books, etc...
I've been to three lectures now- all so stimulating that I spent half my study time today just trying to process it all. The first was on the "Universe" -HA! This was like astrology one oh one with eternity and why God is a bad ace sprinkled all over it, one from a lady who does mission work everywhere (not really able to go into all of this but it definitely reaffirmed my desire for Kenya and Sudan), and then tonights was on Lewis and his desire to show us reality and have it to take our breath away. The lectures have all been so intellectully stimulating that I walk away with so many doubts often because it all just seems so grandiose. I was telling one of my tutors this today. I was talking about this last year and how I have worked through so many doubts, hurts, etc but more questions keep rising out of me and that makes me feel so guilty. She responded with this: 'It should be the most natural thing to feel safe and loved by God while also constantly asking Him questions. Think of a child in their relationship with their father. They feel safe and loved but their entire growing up they are constantly asking: "Why this?" or "Why that?". this made so much sense to me and is something that i've spent a great deal of time thinking about since.
Last night we all went to the local pub for a drink after supper. Its one that I have really grown to love. Its so funny because pretty much every time I have either walked past it or walked in it the same people from the little community are all sitting around in it. It was really fun to get off of the property and just have fun and relax. We definitely spend time together at the Manor House itself but it is mostly over intellectual conversations and then the other time is individual study so when we are all just hanging out and relaxing it is really fun and a great way to get to know one another in a new way.
I think about all of you often! The difference here than when I have gone away before is that life is soo slow. Which is a gift in one way but for a worker bee like myself it is quite unnerving to just sit, think, reflect, study, and to have to really look INSIDE myself rather than all around me. Suzanne- I do think about you every time I read Jesus Calling in the morning, Jamie Duff I think about how you would LOVE it here- all the conversations are so intriguing, I think about Joshua every time we get on a train, I think about Aunt Jee Jee everytime I take a shower bc of the shower gel. OH the showers! They are so FREAKING small. Dad- the cave's shower is literally gigantic compared to the ones here. Some part of my body is always touching one of the walls. But the water is always hot and great pressure which is way more important to me. Krista I think about you for so many reasons why you would laugh the entire day- can't wait to tell you about these later.
My friend Joanie from Scotland and I sat last night in our beds and traded different words from our countries. We were rolling listening to each other trying to pronounce the other's words. I think I might go and try to visit her for a couple of days. I've gotten to be really close to two gys from California- Garrett and Chris. One of my best friends from the get go Annalise from Seattle leaves on Thursday and I'm really bummed about this but new people literally come every day.
I'm reading the book "Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning right now as part of my study course and it has been really eye opening. This guy named Ryan from Memphis and I pulled weeds together this morning for several hours. It felt nice to get dirty and work hard. I feel like with every day I'm getting more and more aquainted to this lifestyle but I still feel like I'm really having to rely on the Lord every day to be enough and to teach me to look inward.
At the pub last night the main guy's son who is 19 came with us and told us crazy stories about all the people who have come to L'Abri over the years. We were rolling! He is truly one of the funniest people I've ever listened to and it seems that everything is funnier in a British accent.
Well that is very scattered but the best I can do for now. I can check my email so please send some updates my way I just am awful at actually responding becase of my limited internet time.
love you guys
I've been to three lectures now- all so stimulating that I spent half my study time today just trying to process it all. The first was on the "Universe" -HA! This was like astrology one oh one with eternity and why God is a bad ace sprinkled all over it, one from a lady who does mission work everywhere (not really able to go into all of this but it definitely reaffirmed my desire for Kenya and Sudan), and then tonights was on Lewis and his desire to show us reality and have it to take our breath away. The lectures have all been so intellectully stimulating that I walk away with so many doubts often because it all just seems so grandiose. I was telling one of my tutors this today. I was talking about this last year and how I have worked through so many doubts, hurts, etc but more questions keep rising out of me and that makes me feel so guilty. She responded with this: 'It should be the most natural thing to feel safe and loved by God while also constantly asking Him questions. Think of a child in their relationship with their father. They feel safe and loved but their entire growing up they are constantly asking: "Why this?" or "Why that?". this made so much sense to me and is something that i've spent a great deal of time thinking about since.
Last night we all went to the local pub for a drink after supper. Its one that I have really grown to love. Its so funny because pretty much every time I have either walked past it or walked in it the same people from the little community are all sitting around in it. It was really fun to get off of the property and just have fun and relax. We definitely spend time together at the Manor House itself but it is mostly over intellectual conversations and then the other time is individual study so when we are all just hanging out and relaxing it is really fun and a great way to get to know one another in a new way.
I think about all of you often! The difference here than when I have gone away before is that life is soo slow. Which is a gift in one way but for a worker bee like myself it is quite unnerving to just sit, think, reflect, study, and to have to really look INSIDE myself rather than all around me. Suzanne- I do think about you every time I read Jesus Calling in the morning, Jamie Duff I think about how you would LOVE it here- all the conversations are so intriguing, I think about Joshua every time we get on a train, I think about Aunt Jee Jee everytime I take a shower bc of the shower gel. OH the showers! They are so FREAKING small. Dad- the cave's shower is literally gigantic compared to the ones here. Some part of my body is always touching one of the walls. But the water is always hot and great pressure which is way more important to me. Krista I think about you for so many reasons why you would laugh the entire day- can't wait to tell you about these later.
My friend Joanie from Scotland and I sat last night in our beds and traded different words from our countries. We were rolling listening to each other trying to pronounce the other's words. I think I might go and try to visit her for a couple of days. I've gotten to be really close to two gys from California- Garrett and Chris. One of my best friends from the get go Annalise from Seattle leaves on Thursday and I'm really bummed about this but new people literally come every day.
I'm reading the book "Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning right now as part of my study course and it has been really eye opening. This guy named Ryan from Memphis and I pulled weeds together this morning for several hours. It felt nice to get dirty and work hard. I feel like with every day I'm getting more and more aquainted to this lifestyle but I still feel like I'm really having to rely on the Lord every day to be enough and to teach me to look inward.
At the pub last night the main guy's son who is 19 came with us and told us crazy stories about all the people who have come to L'Abri over the years. We were rolling! He is truly one of the funniest people I've ever listened to and it seems that everything is funnier in a British accent.
Well that is very scattered but the best I can do for now. I can check my email so please send some updates my way I just am awful at actually responding becase of my limited internet time.
love you guys
"Welcome To L'Abri"
It is so hard to post here because I'm journaling all the time so when I post its like 2ish days old almost but oh well. At some point I'll have to let go of the promise to Joanie to write about every detail and skip a few days. This one should be full of funny scenarios for all though.
To say that L'Abri is idyllic is an extreme understatement. I got off the train to Liss and walked into a storybook of a land. HA! The walk though- something all on its' own. Two bags worth of 2 months stuff up and down grassy paths, rocky hills, and broken stone roads. I passed small pubs with people sitting outside and beautiful gardens covering truly every home I passed. After the first mile and a half I began to feel the pain of the bruises that later developed on my hip bones and back from my bag and truly didn't think I could make it any longer. Almost immediately after that a man and woman got out of their car and offered me a ride for the next 1 and a 1/2. I WAS SO GRATEFUL! On the ride there they told me of how they actually met at L'Abri (her from Canada and him from here) and are now married and a month away from their first child. Quite the story book ending indeed...
So I get out of their car at the entrance to the "Manor Propterties" and walk under an arched brick walkway into the most amazing land ever. Acres of hills, lush gardens, and small cottages surround the actual manor house itself. I took a huge breath in my astonishment, thanked the couple and began walking p the path to the side door. Hanging on the huge entry was a wooden sign with the words "Welcome to L'Abri, walk on it" carved into it. I opened the door to an extremely large house with more nooks and crannies than any of my nephews could ever get bored with.
After several calls of "Hello" a girl with a shaved head came bouncing down the stairs to welcome me. Eventually I was led by a "helper" to my living quarters -'The Sunken Room'. It is found after a long climb of stairs, through a stained glass corridor, and after opening mybe the heaviest door known to man. Inside are two sets of bunk beds and three other twins with huge windows draping the opposite wall ooking out onto the gardens. There are quaint dressers, armoires, and unique lamps next to each bed.
After setting down my things I was given my spper in the kitchen at an old long farm table and then walked around the house itself and outside. There are roomes filled from floor to ceiling with books- beautiful ones with worn leather covers, ripped pages, and a musty library smell. Comfortable couches, armchairs, round tables, and rocking chairs litter all the rooms. Mismatched silverware, mugs, plates and bowls dress the walls and hutches of the kitchen and after walking around for about 30 minutes I still had not seen all the rooms.
I've met people from Sweden, Belgium, The NEtherlands, South AFrica, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Scotland, Ireland, Korea, and all over the US- California, NY, Seattle, Montana, and two from TENNESSEE!! Again- I've yet to meet everyone. One of my roommates is from Scotland and her name is Joanie. It immediately made me feel the warmth of home and we have since developed a great friendship!
To say that L'Abri is idyllic is an extreme understatement. I got off the train to Liss and walked into a storybook of a land. HA! The walk though- something all on its' own. Two bags worth of 2 months stuff up and down grassy paths, rocky hills, and broken stone roads. I passed small pubs with people sitting outside and beautiful gardens covering truly every home I passed. After the first mile and a half I began to feel the pain of the bruises that later developed on my hip bones and back from my bag and truly didn't think I could make it any longer. Almost immediately after that a man and woman got out of their car and offered me a ride for the next 1 and a 1/2. I WAS SO GRATEFUL! On the ride there they told me of how they actually met at L'Abri (her from Canada and him from here) and are now married and a month away from their first child. Quite the story book ending indeed...
So I get out of their car at the entrance to the "Manor Propterties" and walk under an arched brick walkway into the most amazing land ever. Acres of hills, lush gardens, and small cottages surround the actual manor house itself. I took a huge breath in my astonishment, thanked the couple and began walking p the path to the side door. Hanging on the huge entry was a wooden sign with the words "Welcome to L'Abri, walk on it" carved into it. I opened the door to an extremely large house with more nooks and crannies than any of my nephews could ever get bored with.
After several calls of "Hello" a girl with a shaved head came bouncing down the stairs to welcome me. Eventually I was led by a "helper" to my living quarters -'The Sunken Room'. It is found after a long climb of stairs, through a stained glass corridor, and after opening mybe the heaviest door known to man. Inside are two sets of bunk beds and three other twins with huge windows draping the opposite wall ooking out onto the gardens. There are quaint dressers, armoires, and unique lamps next to each bed.
After setting down my things I was given my spper in the kitchen at an old long farm table and then walked around the house itself and outside. There are roomes filled from floor to ceiling with books- beautiful ones with worn leather covers, ripped pages, and a musty library smell. Comfortable couches, armchairs, round tables, and rocking chairs litter all the rooms. Mismatched silverware, mugs, plates and bowls dress the walls and hutches of the kitchen and after walking around for about 30 minutes I still had not seen all the rooms.
I've met people from Sweden, Belgium, The NEtherlands, South AFrica, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Scotland, Ireland, Korea, and all over the US- California, NY, Seattle, Montana, and two from TENNESSEE!! Again- I've yet to meet everyone. One of my roommates is from Scotland and her name is Joanie. It immediately made me feel the warmth of home and we have since developed a great friendship!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
planes, trains, automobiles...and foot
Whew. Attempting to sum up life since boarding a plane in Nashville would prove impossible but I will try to give a quick vision of it. When I got off the plane in NYC I was feeling a bit lonely and fearful. I asked the Lord to please send me someone to talk to and when I sat down there were 6 people from London that I ended up talking to for the better part of an hour- none of which knew where Liss was which struck a little more fear in me but overall I felt much better when they left to get on their plane. My flight on the other hand was delayed from an 8:30 take off to 2 am. Getting myself off that plane and onto the train to Liss was an experience all in itself. I keptt hinking to myself- if my mom or a friend was here with or simply watching me they would in FITS of laughter! There were numerous people to ask about where to go, a bus to take into the city, get off that one and wait for a bus into Woking (a charming little town) and then a train to catch from Woking to Liss.
The bus which took me out of the city all of a sudden plopped me into the most beautiful countryside my eyes have ever held. The buildings and houses are like none I have ever known- straight out of a story book. The movies Knotting Hill or The Holiday do not hardly touch the beauties these countrysides offer. Quaint. Quaint. Quaint...more detail on this later. The perfect place to seek beauty, peace, serenity, and quiet solitude. The city was exciting, fun, and busy but it made me long for someone to be on the journey with me there (ASHLEY!). The small villages I passed on the train made me thankful for the vast amounts of books in my bag and the tea awaiting me in Greatham. I feel so comfy cozy here already- like no one can get me here or even be able to tell the same expereiences I will hold.
I love the little sayings I've picked up on- "mind the gap now!", "Oh, how spookay!" or the way that the 1740 train is pronounced 1714 (this little one almost made me miss the train!). Mini- you are right! The men here are gorgeous. Varying Jude Laws running around everywhere in pin striped suits or little sweater sets and khakis.
The people on the trains that I've taken since leaving the city are so relaxed, its an aura I can't describe. Much like what I'd think a train into FAirview might look like, no IPODS, phones, etc but the difference is that these people are still so cultured in appearance (no offense Lee family)- like they could hop right back into the mainstream without missing a beat. Which I guess is what they do everyday...
More to come very soon!!!!
The bus which took me out of the city all of a sudden plopped me into the most beautiful countryside my eyes have ever held. The buildings and houses are like none I have ever known- straight out of a story book. The movies Knotting Hill or The Holiday do not hardly touch the beauties these countrysides offer. Quaint. Quaint. Quaint...more detail on this later. The perfect place to seek beauty, peace, serenity, and quiet solitude. The city was exciting, fun, and busy but it made me long for someone to be on the journey with me there (ASHLEY!). The small villages I passed on the train made me thankful for the vast amounts of books in my bag and the tea awaiting me in Greatham. I feel so comfy cozy here already- like no one can get me here or even be able to tell the same expereiences I will hold.
I love the little sayings I've picked up on- "mind the gap now!", "Oh, how spookay!" or the way that the 1740 train is pronounced 1714 (this little one almost made me miss the train!). Mini- you are right! The men here are gorgeous. Varying Jude Laws running around everywhere in pin striped suits or little sweater sets and khakis.
The people on the trains that I've taken since leaving the city are so relaxed, its an aura I can't describe. Much like what I'd think a train into FAirview might look like, no IPODS, phones, etc but the difference is that these people are still so cultured in appearance (no offense Lee family)- like they could hop right back into the mainstream without missing a beat. Which I guess is what they do everyday...
More to come very soon!!!!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
The Countdown Has Begun.
...Less than 48 hours and I am OFF!
The last few days have been so full of love and joy with friends in Nashville. I have been packed out with breakfasts, coffees, dinners, lunches, and drinks. It's been such a humbling experience to realize how much life and love I have here in this city. Remembering last May when I felt so lonely and friendless it is amazing to think about the abundance of people I have been surrounded with. Thankful does not even begin to describe it but I am just that- thankful. Thankful that when I return in August there will be people beyond measure to catch up and pick up the day to day journey with again whether in person or on the phone.
Things you can be praying for:
1. safety while I am traveling
2. relationships with people while I am there. That I will really connect with the community at L'Abri
3. That I'll still feel connected to my friends and family here even with such limited communication. Especially my nephews- I've never been a part from them for longer than this!
4. That it will be stress free when it comes to planning and money
5. For life here to tie up well in the next two days and that there won't be too crazy of loose ends left in regards to my house, school, work, etc.
6. For my relationship with the Lord to take on new depths and facets that will wash me with awe for Him, that will bring peace in my soul, and that will bind my heart closer around His than it is today.
7. Opportunites to spread His gospel and the courage to follow when He calls me to do that. There is a guilt in me that I am going overseas and it not being in regards to missions but I know that the Lord has great purpose in this and I want to use all that He has filled me up with there just as I would in Kenya, Nashville, or wherever I am in this world.
AAAAHHHHHHHHH! Here it is. I am embarking on a crazy journey in less than two days. Life is such an amazing journey isn't it- hard and yucky at times of course but so fun and exhilirating at times like this!!!!
The last few days have been so full of love and joy with friends in Nashville. I have been packed out with breakfasts, coffees, dinners, lunches, and drinks. It's been such a humbling experience to realize how much life and love I have here in this city. Remembering last May when I felt so lonely and friendless it is amazing to think about the abundance of people I have been surrounded with. Thankful does not even begin to describe it but I am just that- thankful. Thankful that when I return in August there will be people beyond measure to catch up and pick up the day to day journey with again whether in person or on the phone.
Things you can be praying for:
1. safety while I am traveling
2. relationships with people while I am there. That I will really connect with the community at L'Abri
3. That I'll still feel connected to my friends and family here even with such limited communication. Especially my nephews- I've never been a part from them for longer than this!
4. That it will be stress free when it comes to planning and money
5. For life here to tie up well in the next two days and that there won't be too crazy of loose ends left in regards to my house, school, work, etc.
6. For my relationship with the Lord to take on new depths and facets that will wash me with awe for Him, that will bring peace in my soul, and that will bind my heart closer around His than it is today.
7. Opportunites to spread His gospel and the courage to follow when He calls me to do that. There is a guilt in me that I am going overseas and it not being in regards to missions but I know that the Lord has great purpose in this and I want to use all that He has filled me up with there just as I would in Kenya, Nashville, or wherever I am in this world.
AAAAHHHHHHHHH! Here it is. I am embarking on a crazy journey in less than two days. Life is such an amazing journey isn't it- hard and yucky at times of course but so fun and exhilirating at times like this!!!!
A God Who Is Faithful and Works Miracles.
Below are two emails that weren't sent out to my close friends and family. The first is from last November and the last is just from last week. There really is nothing else to say besides what has already been written- a testament of His goodness and love poured over His children.
November Email:
I am compelled in a way that I must submit to tell again of her story and the completion of it in the last two weeks.
As many of you know she sparked a fire in my soul that a year and a half later is burning higher and more intensely than it was when she lit it. That can only be explained as Holy Fire-set within me through one of His angels. We entered Ewaso after hours on a bus ride that was taken without an exact road to travel on causing endless head aches, nausea, and sing alongs to “Oops I Did It Again” (one of the many times I had to CHOOSE to love people on my team). We saw zebras, naked old men holding crazy looking tribal sticks, and God’s beauty untouched by the modern world. When we finally arrived there were about 50 women, children, and men waiting for us.
In the midst of these children that we were all attempting to pick up and hold was one little girl, sitting and just staring at me. As I went over to her she immediately raised her beautiful arms for me to hold her. As our hearts physically met I could feel hers beating at a pace that would normally tell of a 50 yard dash someone just ran. I quickly found out through the men in the crowd that she was sick with an unknown disease, a street orphan, and was not expected to live long. My tears were soon falling on her scabbed head as I rocked her around our outdoor “home” for that season of life.
Day in and day out for rest of our time there she was waiting for me when we got up, slept on my chest, and would only let others hold her if I forced her to- only then if I was walking alongside them. I could not get her to speak no matter what I did but our connection that we made with our eyes was enough. I went to sleep every night praying that God would give me strength to leave her.
On the last day that we were there I was sitting with a translator explaining to her that it was time to go, that one day we would dance at Jesus’ feet together, and that I loved her. Her huge chocolate eyes looked up at me and shattered my soul with “My. Mama.”. I proceeded to cradle in a leader’s lap bawling. How could I have a heart and leave this girl? I still ask myself that so often.
That first day when she lifted her arms up to me I became a mother. A mother to a child that did not come from my womb. A mother that was only 20 years old. That I only spent a handful of days and nights with. That looked opposite of me. And lived on the other side of the world.
Another woman that I met in that village, Mary, who took me in as her daughter promised on the last day through tears that she would take care of her adopted granddaughter when I left.
Because of this beautiful woman I have been able to talk to Shiro almost every 2 weeks since coming back because Mary straps her on her back and walks 8 to 10 miles every other Monday for us to all talk. They have sent me pictures, drawings, letters, and bracelets made out of extra fabric. I have been able to get Shiro medicine to make her pain less, provide food and clothes for her in plenty through Mary. Only God can make a relationship grow deeper when you are a half a world apart.
Last week many of you received a text from me saying that I had just talked to Shiro for my last time. Mary called to say that her limbs were swelling, she could no longer speak, and was given only a couple of days. I was able to speak truth over my baby girl and though she had no strength to talk back I was able to hear her sweet breaths.
The heart break and emptiness it has caused me has surprised me. I have always known this day was coming. But the reality of it, broke me all over again. Caused me to reel with questions of how could I live day in and day out here knowing she is suffering without me by her side? Mary has sent an email saying that in her last two weeks she slept with a picture I sent her of us next to her heart always. Not emotions of guilt as much as intense longing- longing to be with her, to hold her until Jesus does, and then to watch her dance at His feet as she enters into those gates. And then an emptiness that I will walk with until I am dancing with her at those gates.
This baby girl ignited change in my soul. She caused me to love without bounds. To embrace without walls up. She allowed me to see that Christ loves me in a way I could not comprehend prior to her. Hours have been spent at banquets, fund raisers, political engagements, board meetings, coffee dates and more speaking on behalf of these people that are silenced. Just last week I spent over fifteen hours in three days sitting at Panera, read through five books, and watched four new documentaries because the momentum of my drive to change current policy laws could not be stopped. The Lord used her. He loved me, directed my path, and opened my Spirit wide to His compassion all through her little heart that has always been broken.
Shiro is not a statistic. She is not one of the million orphaned children you hear about. She is not a part of the un reached by medicine. She is not one in four affected by aids, the war, the poverty, the government. She is my daughter. She has a soul as sweet as honey. She is the gospel spoken through a life- telling you that we are called to just rest in His arms alone. That we are called to store our treasures in heaven alone. That is all Shiro could do- was sit and rest in Him, hope in heaven, and receive love.
I don’t know an exact reason that I feel such a strong pulse to tell you all of this. Maybe it is because of my ache, wanting to communicate again their need to be reached, to hopefully take some scales off that our world has put on. I really am not sure but I know that it needs to be told. Not just in this email but for the rest of my life. Her life created change in others that she has never even known of, gave them hope, dreams, and life. Thinking of all that she did without anything to offer by worldly standards makes me constantly question how deep the well goes of my own abilities to impact. Maybe by telling her story it will cause others to realize the intense joy that comes from investing in His Kingdom rather than this world, or to see how deep their well of influence goes. I don’t know but He does so I will continue to walk and speak as He calls me.
Last Week's:
I'm sure that all of you received an email from me this last fall begging for your prayers for her. She is the most beautiful little girl that I met while in a small village in Kenya, Africa called Ewaso. We immediately bonded and when I left she called me "mama". I spent ample amounts of time calling her, sending her blankets and pictures through the mail, and doing whatever I could to take care of this daughter of mine from oceans away the last two years. She had a heart disease that had been claimed untreatable and so I knew just minutes after I met her that she would not live long. A woman that faithfully took care of her after I left, called me in the fall saying that Shiro was about to pass and did not have much longer left. As many of you remember I was so broken. I have not heard from Mary since even after relentless phone calls, letters, and emails. A couple of months ago I came to terms with the fact that she might have passed away as well and was at peace with that though I continued to send my letters and money to her every month in hopes that that was not true.
yesterday I recieved an email from her apologizing because her phone had been destroyed in a conflict that arose in the village and she had been suffering from a great drought BUT that days after my phone conversation with her and Shiro in the fall three missionaries came and took Shiro to the hospital in Nairobi and paid for her to have surgery to fix a simple HOLE IN HER HEART THAT HAD BEEN COINED UNTREATABLE previously. She said that because of the funds she has been receiving, Shiro is beginning to walk, talk, run and go to school. Things she never did before. OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS! This is all I know to say to that. I think about it constantly. My little girl is not only alive but WELL and able to preach the gospel through her little 7 year old life. The God I serve is bigger than I'll ever know, has plans that surpass my knowledge, a providence and grace that is unlike anything i can imagine. Praise HIM ALONE for those three missionaries and for my sweet Mary who in her own poverty has taken Shiro, a previously homeless child, into her home and daily tells her about her American mama but wayy more valuable- her heavenly Father.
Isn't it such a joy to get to walk life with each other and hear of MIRACLES like this one? can't wait to write more of these to each other in the seasons that are to come.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Two Feet In The Present.
I have done an awful job as you all can see of writing on this blog much less making it fun and hip to look at. My apologies. Life has been crazy, as everyone's is, the last month wrapping up life here and getting ready to go. I've constantly had my nose in books written by Francis Schaeffer and others trying to get prepared to study over the next month and a half.
I've sat down to write on here several times and have found myself instead looking at other's blogs, listening to music, or simply closing the computer. As an avid writer I have wondered why communicating life on here has been stalling. I think it is partly because there is such an expanse to be written under that title "Life" and the feat of trying to relate all that has meant lately to someone seems impossible.
Life this last year has simply been good. Full of long work hours, even more stressful academic assignments, and a constant soul searching. The end result? The ability to go to L'Abri, a good GPA, and more than anything else - a peace, hope, and understanding that I can confidently say I have never ever in my life known the way I do tonight sitting here on my parent's porch.
My pastor at Fellowship sat down with me over coffee at Starbucks around this time last year and told me that it is okay to spend time understanding yourself and who you are. In fact, it is not just okay but an essential part in coming to know the Lord. The Lord is INSIDE of our spirit so in understanding our spirit- we find Him. In finding Him for OURSELVES and not just for a cultural experience, we grow in our understanding of who we really are. I walked away a year ago from that breakfast not really understanding all that he was talking about but knowing full well I needed whatever that was.
I've spent the last year doing just that. Finding that endless hours spent on social work policies, theories, and case studies brings me life that I did not know could be found in a career. Looking inside myself alongside amazing mentors to really look into my spirit has brought healing and hope. Figuring out how to be defined and grounded in myself rather than my group of friends, Africa project, or an organization. Some people might think that this sounds selfish- me me me. But by looking into my own life this last year I can tell you I have found truly only one thing to be consistent- HIM. HIM. HIM. Not the world's liberation but His acceptance. Not a mentor's approval but His love. Not the agreement that comes from someone who mirrors you but His peace that surpasses literally all understanding.
After many lonely months, weeks, days, and hours hovering over this one theme I decided a capstone to this period would be beautiful. The result: A week from Tuesday I will be walking from a train station to L'Abri with only a back pack. Sometimes I can't wait and other times I think I need to come up with a excuse quick to keep me here. This I know: there is a churning in my stomach when I think about it. And that means one thing- He plans on molding me a good bit while I am there. Stirring up some changes, watering my soul, and leading me to His feet.
With no phones and only an hour a week of Internet a blog might be the most efficient way to communicate with those of you that I count as treasures in my life. So journey along with me as we live life together with an ocean between us!
For now, I'm trying to keep two feet in the present, seeking out what life brings TODAY and not even trying to dip my fingers into all that is about to happen in the months to come...
I've sat down to write on here several times and have found myself instead looking at other's blogs, listening to music, or simply closing the computer. As an avid writer I have wondered why communicating life on here has been stalling. I think it is partly because there is such an expanse to be written under that title "Life" and the feat of trying to relate all that has meant lately to someone seems impossible.
Life this last year has simply been good. Full of long work hours, even more stressful academic assignments, and a constant soul searching. The end result? The ability to go to L'Abri, a good GPA, and more than anything else - a peace, hope, and understanding that I can confidently say I have never ever in my life known the way I do tonight sitting here on my parent's porch.
My pastor at Fellowship sat down with me over coffee at Starbucks around this time last year and told me that it is okay to spend time understanding yourself and who you are. In fact, it is not just okay but an essential part in coming to know the Lord. The Lord is INSIDE of our spirit so in understanding our spirit- we find Him. In finding Him for OURSELVES and not just for a cultural experience, we grow in our understanding of who we really are. I walked away a year ago from that breakfast not really understanding all that he was talking about but knowing full well I needed whatever that was.
I've spent the last year doing just that. Finding that endless hours spent on social work policies, theories, and case studies brings me life that I did not know could be found in a career. Looking inside myself alongside amazing mentors to really look into my spirit has brought healing and hope. Figuring out how to be defined and grounded in myself rather than my group of friends, Africa project, or an organization. Some people might think that this sounds selfish- me me me. But by looking into my own life this last year I can tell you I have found truly only one thing to be consistent- HIM. HIM. HIM. Not the world's liberation but His acceptance. Not a mentor's approval but His love. Not the agreement that comes from someone who mirrors you but His peace that surpasses literally all understanding.
After many lonely months, weeks, days, and hours hovering over this one theme I decided a capstone to this period would be beautiful. The result: A week from Tuesday I will be walking from a train station to L'Abri with only a back pack. Sometimes I can't wait and other times I think I need to come up with a excuse quick to keep me here. This I know: there is a churning in my stomach when I think about it. And that means one thing- He plans on molding me a good bit while I am there. Stirring up some changes, watering my soul, and leading me to His feet.
With no phones and only an hour a week of Internet a blog might be the most efficient way to communicate with those of you that I count as treasures in my life. So journey along with me as we live life together with an ocean between us!
For now, I'm trying to keep two feet in the present, seeking out what life brings TODAY and not even trying to dip my fingers into all that is about to happen in the months to come...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Itinerary
Ok so here is where I'll be going as well as what I am needing to know from you for each place:
London: anyone you know who we can stay with, your favorite places to eat, favorite tourist spots
Ireland: For sure we will be in Dublin. Any other cities you suggest as well as the above
Italy: This has been the hardest country to figure out what cities. I think we are for sure doing Florence and Rome...
Paris
Switzerland
So any tips that you have on these countries, food, museums, hostels, etc I'll welcome!!
London: anyone you know who we can stay with, your favorite places to eat, favorite tourist spots
Ireland: For sure we will be in Dublin. Any other cities you suggest as well as the above
Italy: This has been the hardest country to figure out what cities. I think we are for sure doing Florence and Rome...
Paris
Switzerland
So any tips that you have on these countries, food, museums, hostels, etc I'll welcome!!
Feels Like The First Time...
So I am writing a post here for the first time and it feels a little overwhelming. I've done this blog world once before, but for different reasons and it was awhile ago. Since then, it seems to have grown a great deal or at least my community has become much more engaged in this crazy world.
In exactly five weeks from today, I will be on a flight to London, England with only a backpack, an IPod, and myself in tow. For the first five-ish weeks I will at L'Abri in London and then will be met by my friend Ashley from there to do a 2 and a half week European backpack trip through Italy, Switzerland, France, Ireland, and back to London.
Exhilarating? Yes. Terrifying? Somewhat. Confusing? YES.
This last season of life has been full of tumultous changes, monumental life lessons, and a reforming of myself. More on this later-most likely to be scattered throughout each post, but for now let's talk Europe.
The first questions I always get is: "What is L'Abri?" quickly to be followed by: "Why are you going alone?". L'Abri, meaning shelter, was started in the 1950s by Francis and Edith Schaffer in Switzerland as a safe place for people to come and learn more about the Christian faith. There are now several sites throughout the world. I have begun to describe it as a type of seminary that reaches very far outside of the box and welcomes people of all walks of life. While I am there I will be concentrating on two different topics but will also be learning about all different facets of the Christian faith from those that I'll be living in community with. I am going alone as a kind of cornerstone to the last year. I left Auburn a year ago this month and moved back to Nashville. It has been a very growing, healing, full year and one that really is summarized by the fact that I have grown into more of who I am apart from anyone or anything else in the last 12 months. I wanted to take some time to reflect on this last year, what it all meant, as well as how it ties into the approaching seasons of life. In order to do this, I really felt like I needed to be isolated and in a quiet place so what came out of that was L'Abri!
I'm in the middle of planning that month and a half and am in need of so much help! Stay tuned and please comment with any suggestions you have of how I can spend my time there while being effective both in time and budget!
In exactly five weeks from today, I will be on a flight to London, England with only a backpack, an IPod, and myself in tow. For the first five-ish weeks I will at L'Abri in London and then will be met by my friend Ashley from there to do a 2 and a half week European backpack trip through Italy, Switzerland, France, Ireland, and back to London.
Exhilarating? Yes. Terrifying? Somewhat. Confusing? YES.
This last season of life has been full of tumultous changes, monumental life lessons, and a reforming of myself. More on this later-most likely to be scattered throughout each post, but for now let's talk Europe.
The first questions I always get is: "What is L'Abri?" quickly to be followed by: "Why are you going alone?". L'Abri, meaning shelter, was started in the 1950s by Francis and Edith Schaffer in Switzerland as a safe place for people to come and learn more about the Christian faith. There are now several sites throughout the world. I have begun to describe it as a type of seminary that reaches very far outside of the box and welcomes people of all walks of life. While I am there I will be concentrating on two different topics but will also be learning about all different facets of the Christian faith from those that I'll be living in community with. I am going alone as a kind of cornerstone to the last year. I left Auburn a year ago this month and moved back to Nashville. It has been a very growing, healing, full year and one that really is summarized by the fact that I have grown into more of who I am apart from anyone or anything else in the last 12 months. I wanted to take some time to reflect on this last year, what it all meant, as well as how it ties into the approaching seasons of life. In order to do this, I really felt like I needed to be isolated and in a quiet place so what came out of that was L'Abri!
I'm in the middle of planning that month and a half and am in need of so much help! Stay tuned and please comment with any suggestions you have of how I can spend my time there while being effective both in time and budget!
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