Two Feet In The Present.

I have done an awful job as you all can see of writing on this blog much less making it fun and hip to look at. My apologies. Life has been crazy, as everyone's is, the last month wrapping up life here and getting ready to go. I've constantly had my nose in books written by Francis Schaeffer and others trying to get prepared to study over the next month and a half.
I've sat down to write on here several times and have found myself instead looking at other's blogs, listening to music, or simply closing the computer. As an avid writer I have wondered why communicating life on here has been stalling. I think it is partly because there is such an expanse to be written under that title "Life" and the feat of trying to relate all that has meant lately to someone seems impossible.
Life this last year has simply been good. Full of long work hours, even more stressful academic assignments, and a constant soul searching. The end result? The ability to go to L'Abri, a good GPA, and more than anything else - a peace, hope, and understanding that I can confidently say I have never ever in my life known the way I do tonight sitting here on my parent's porch.
My pastor at Fellowship sat down with me over coffee at Starbucks around this time last year and told me that it is okay to spend time understanding yourself and who you are. In fact, it is not just okay but an essential part in coming to know the Lord. The Lord is INSIDE of our spirit so in understanding our spirit- we find Him. In finding Him for OURSELVES and not just for a cultural experience, we grow in our understanding of who we really are. I walked away a year ago from that breakfast not really understanding all that he was talking about but knowing full well I needed whatever that was.
I've spent the last year doing just that. Finding that endless hours spent on social work policies, theories, and case studies brings me life that I did not know could be found in a career. Looking inside myself alongside amazing mentors to really look into my spirit has brought healing and hope. Figuring out how to be defined and grounded in myself rather than my group of friends, Africa project, or an organization. Some people might think that this sounds selfish- me me me. But by looking into my own life this last year I can tell you I have found truly only one thing to be consistent- HIM. HIM. HIM. Not the world's liberation but His acceptance. Not a mentor's approval but His love. Not the agreement that comes from someone who mirrors you but His peace that surpasses literally all understanding.
After many lonely months, weeks, days, and hours hovering over this one theme I decided a capstone to this period would be beautiful. The result: A week from Tuesday I will be walking from a train station to L'Abri with only a back pack. Sometimes I can't wait and other times I think I need to come up with a excuse quick to keep me here. This I know: there is a churning in my stomach when I think about it. And that means one thing- He plans on molding me a good bit while I am there. Stirring up some changes, watering my soul, and leading me to His feet.
With no phones and only an hour a week of Internet a blog might be the most efficient way to communicate with those of you that I count as treasures in my life. So journey along with me as we live life together with an ocean between us!

For now, I'm trying to keep two feet in the present, seeking out what life brings TODAY and not even trying to dip my fingers into all that is about to happen in the months to come...