Below are two emails that weren't sent out to my close friends and family. The first is from last November and the last is just from last week. There really is nothing else to say besides what has already been written- a testament of His goodness and love poured over His children.
November Email:
I am compelled in a way that I must submit to tell again of her story and the completion of it in the last two weeks.
As many of you know she sparked a fire in my soul that a year and a half later is burning higher and more intensely than it was when she lit it. That can only be explained as Holy Fire-set within me through one of His angels. We entered Ewaso after hours on a bus ride that was taken without an exact road to travel on causing endless head aches, nausea, and sing alongs to “Oops I Did It Again” (one of the many times I had to CHOOSE to love people on my team). We saw zebras, naked old men holding crazy looking tribal sticks, and God’s beauty untouched by the modern world. When we finally arrived there were about 50 women, children, and men waiting for us.
In the midst of these children that we were all attempting to pick up and hold was one little girl, sitting and just staring at me. As I went over to her she immediately raised her beautiful arms for me to hold her. As our hearts physically met I could feel hers beating at a pace that would normally tell of a 50 yard dash someone just ran. I quickly found out through the men in the crowd that she was sick with an unknown disease, a street orphan, and was not expected to live long. My tears were soon falling on her scabbed head as I rocked her around our outdoor “home” for that season of life.
Day in and day out for rest of our time there she was waiting for me when we got up, slept on my chest, and would only let others hold her if I forced her to- only then if I was walking alongside them. I could not get her to speak no matter what I did but our connection that we made with our eyes was enough. I went to sleep every night praying that God would give me strength to leave her.
On the last day that we were there I was sitting with a translator explaining to her that it was time to go, that one day we would dance at Jesus’ feet together, and that I loved her. Her huge chocolate eyes looked up at me and shattered my soul with “My. Mama.”. I proceeded to cradle in a leader’s lap bawling. How could I have a heart and leave this girl? I still ask myself that so often.
That first day when she lifted her arms up to me I became a mother. A mother to a child that did not come from my womb. A mother that was only 20 years old. That I only spent a handful of days and nights with. That looked opposite of me. And lived on the other side of the world.
Another woman that I met in that village, Mary, who took me in as her daughter promised on the last day through tears that she would take care of her adopted granddaughter when I left.
Because of this beautiful woman I have been able to talk to Shiro almost every 2 weeks since coming back because Mary straps her on her back and walks 8 to 10 miles every other Monday for us to all talk. They have sent me pictures, drawings, letters, and bracelets made out of extra fabric. I have been able to get Shiro medicine to make her pain less, provide food and clothes for her in plenty through Mary. Only God can make a relationship grow deeper when you are a half a world apart.
Last week many of you received a text from me saying that I had just talked to Shiro for my last time. Mary called to say that her limbs were swelling, she could no longer speak, and was given only a couple of days. I was able to speak truth over my baby girl and though she had no strength to talk back I was able to hear her sweet breaths.
The heart break and emptiness it has caused me has surprised me. I have always known this day was coming. But the reality of it, broke me all over again. Caused me to reel with questions of how could I live day in and day out here knowing she is suffering without me by her side? Mary has sent an email saying that in her last two weeks she slept with a picture I sent her of us next to her heart always. Not emotions of guilt as much as intense longing- longing to be with her, to hold her until Jesus does, and then to watch her dance at His feet as she enters into those gates. And then an emptiness that I will walk with until I am dancing with her at those gates.
This baby girl ignited change in my soul. She caused me to love without bounds. To embrace without walls up. She allowed me to see that Christ loves me in a way I could not comprehend prior to her. Hours have been spent at banquets, fund raisers, political engagements, board meetings, coffee dates and more speaking on behalf of these people that are silenced. Just last week I spent over fifteen hours in three days sitting at Panera, read through five books, and watched four new documentaries because the momentum of my drive to change current policy laws could not be stopped. The Lord used her. He loved me, directed my path, and opened my Spirit wide to His compassion all through her little heart that has always been broken.
Shiro is not a statistic. She is not one of the million orphaned children you hear about. She is not a part of the un reached by medicine. She is not one in four affected by aids, the war, the poverty, the government. She is my daughter. She has a soul as sweet as honey. She is the gospel spoken through a life- telling you that we are called to just rest in His arms alone. That we are called to store our treasures in heaven alone. That is all Shiro could do- was sit and rest in Him, hope in heaven, and receive love.
I don’t know an exact reason that I feel such a strong pulse to tell you all of this. Maybe it is because of my ache, wanting to communicate again their need to be reached, to hopefully take some scales off that our world has put on. I really am not sure but I know that it needs to be told. Not just in this email but for the rest of my life. Her life created change in others that she has never even known of, gave them hope, dreams, and life. Thinking of all that she did without anything to offer by worldly standards makes me constantly question how deep the well goes of my own abilities to impact. Maybe by telling her story it will cause others to realize the intense joy that comes from investing in His Kingdom rather than this world, or to see how deep their well of influence goes. I don’t know but He does so I will continue to walk and speak as He calls me.
Last Week's:
I'm sure that all of you received an email from me this last fall begging for your prayers for her. She is the most beautiful little girl that I met while in a small village in Kenya, Africa called Ewaso. We immediately bonded and when I left she called me "mama". I spent ample amounts of time calling her, sending her blankets and pictures through the mail, and doing whatever I could to take care of this daughter of mine from oceans away the last two years. She had a heart disease that had been claimed untreatable and so I knew just minutes after I met her that she would not live long. A woman that faithfully took care of her after I left, called me in the fall saying that Shiro was about to pass and did not have much longer left. As many of you remember I was so broken. I have not heard from Mary since even after relentless phone calls, letters, and emails. A couple of months ago I came to terms with the fact that she might have passed away as well and was at peace with that though I continued to send my letters and money to her every month in hopes that that was not true.
yesterday I recieved an email from her apologizing because her phone had been destroyed in a conflict that arose in the village and she had been suffering from a great drought BUT that days after my phone conversation with her and Shiro in the fall three missionaries came and took Shiro to the hospital in Nairobi and paid for her to have surgery to fix a simple HOLE IN HER HEART THAT HAD BEEN COINED UNTREATABLE previously. She said that because of the funds she has been receiving, Shiro is beginning to walk, talk, run and go to school. Things she never did before. OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS! This is all I know to say to that. I think about it constantly. My little girl is not only alive but WELL and able to preach the gospel through her little 7 year old life. The God I serve is bigger than I'll ever know, has plans that surpass my knowledge, a providence and grace that is unlike anything i can imagine. Praise HIM ALONE for those three missionaries and for my sweet Mary who in her own poverty has taken Shiro, a previously homeless child, into her home and daily tells her about her American mama but wayy more valuable- her heavenly Father.
Isn't it such a joy to get to walk life with each other and hear of MIRACLES like this one? can't wait to write more of these to each other in the seasons that are to come.
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